Santa Is Really Bad at Inbound Marketing

Sure, he looks like a nice old man. Don't judge a book by its cover.

There are good inbound marketing agencies. There are bad inbound marketing agencies. And then, there are really, really bad inbound marketing agencies. So bad that no one should hire them.

Santa Claus? He's part of that latter group. Never, ever hire Santa to do your inbound marketing.

No One Should Hire Santa's Inbound Marketing Agency

1.  He's Hard to Reach

Seriously, have you ever tried to send a letter to the North Pole? What's the address - 1 North Pole Lane, North Pole, NP? If you have sent a letter, did you get a response?

I didn't think so. Santa is a shitty communicator. Who knows if he even exists with that track record.

Lesson: A good inbound marketing agency is easy to reach and communicates frequently. 

2.  He Barely Meets Deadlines

You don't see your presents from Santa until midnight on Christmas Day. What kind of horrible planning is that? Santa's obviously not thinking about contingency plans or buffer scheduling. What if some of the elves get sick and can't work? 

I see lots of unhappy customers children in his future.

Lesson: A proper inbound agency won't wait until the last minute to get important work done.

3.  He Doesn't Keep His Promises

Seriously, you watched that kid down the street kick a puppy last week. But you have it on good authority that Saint Nick's getting him the newest iPad. Bad children are supposed to get coal, right?

Santa needs to be more discerning with his gifts.

That Murphy should definitely be on the naughty list.

Lesson: Decent agencies keep their promises. If they can't do something, they're realistic about their limitations.

4.  He Is the Opposite of Transparent

You don't hear from the guy for a year, then he suddenly drops presents off under your tree (how did he get into your house? You don't have a chimney). What's he been doing the rest of the year? What kind of conditions are those elves working in? What if you suddenly need a present in the middle of June?

His operations are a mystery. His methods are questionable. He doesn't give reports or updates on his progress. Bad Santa.

Lesson: Good inbound agencies won't keep you in the dark. They'll be open and honest in answering your questions, and will provide consistent reporting at your desired frequency.

Santa Is Horrible at Inbound Marketing.

Good thing he doesn't run an inbound marketing agency, eh? 

More lighthearted posts:

Article: Why Inbound Marketing Agencies Are Like Cats 

Study: Big Ass Fans Is Rocking Its Manufacturing Marketing

Fun Stuff: Fun Thanksgiving Facts